Weird news anagrams

These are anagrams of names in weird news stories that have been featured in Anna's News Clippings.

The most recent news items are at the top.

Melissa Dean told her primary-school students to make 27 greeting cards for 'people who did not have a home or did not feel well'. They did so, and she sent the cards to her boyfriend, who is in jail for weapons offences after having plea-bargained away charges for possessing 27 pieces of child porn. The package of cards included at least two children's home addresses.
Dean says of her action that she 'thought it was a nice thing to do'. The principal of her school deemed it 'totally ridiculous, absurd' and added: 'We're moving for that teacher's termination.' Dean is in an office job while the investigation continues.

Teacher Melissa Dean = Ad: "Here is mental case!"
Melissa Dean = Leadin' a mess
Teacher Melissa Dean ~ sees a child near - "Meat!"

Indiana's William Francis Blankenship was arrested on drugs charges, handcuffed, and placed in the back seat of a police cruiser. While the arresting officer searched for more drugs, the 22-year-old Blankenship somehow entered the front of the police car and drove off.
The officer saw his car heading off into the distance, and the next contact police had with it was when Blankenship used the police radio to ask where to find the cigarette lighter and how to unlock the handcuffs.
The car was found abandoned, and Blankenship was arrested at a family home two days later.

William Francis Blankenship = His plan if lawmen blink is "Car!"

Two brothers in South Carolina were arrested for having drugs in their car. However, there was further incriminating evidence, which they wanted to eliminate. To that end, Deangelo Mitchell, 23, convinced 20-year-old brother Wayne to swallow the ounce of cocaine that had been stashed within Deangelo's anus. The younger man died shortly thereafter. Deangelo - who was freed on bond just before his brother died - is therefore wanted on charges of involuntary manslaughter.

Wayne Mitchell = Yell "Chew it, man!"
Deangelo Mitchell = Old-time challenge.

Joshua Devonshire made the mistake of picking the wrong clerk when trying to buy petrol with a stolen credit card. The cashier recognised the 19-year-old Devonshire as a former classmate and noticed that the name on the card was her mother's. Devonshire fled.
He was seen later trying to return the stolen card to its owner's car. He was arrested after being seen sleeping in a car in the same cluster of buildings.

Joshua Devonshire = Have sojourns, hide

Wayne Comet Cripe did not hide a listening device under his wife's bed in order to catch her in the act. He explains that he'd hoped to do just the opposite: the 66-year-old Pennsylvania man wanted to make sure that he didn't enter that part of the house while she was having sex with her boyfriend. Cripe, whose wife contacted the police upon finding the bug, says that the device didn't work anyway.

Woman, cite creepy ~ Wayne Comet Cripe

In CCTV footage, Dean Dinnen is seen entering a pub in Hull while wielding a chainsaw. Drunk and high on drugs, Dinnen wanted to get back at the man who'd had him ejected about an hour earlier for lighting a cigarette inside the hostelry.
With the chainsaw, Dinnen severed tendons in a customer's arm and destroyed quite a few things. And Kevin Fletcher described being afraid he would die after falling over while trying to escape: 'I could hear the chainsaw screaming behind me and I got the feeling he was right behind me.' The locals, however, fought back and began throwing bar stools, kegs, and pool cues at the 24-year-old aggressor. They managed to overpower him.
Dinnen pleaded guilty to an array of charges and has been sentenced to three years in jail. Also, it turns out that the man he was after had already left the pub anyway.

Given that the pub was described as completely ruined: Dean Dinnen ~ ended an inn.

A Vermont police officer was washing his car when he noticed something wrong with the 40 cm decal on the side. On account of his discovery, the Vermont Department of Corrections has announced that new decals are to be produced for its squad cars. It was four years ago when an artist at the relevant print shop, run by inmates at the state prison in St Albans, altered the state seal to include a pig within the spots of the cow.

The pig in the Vermont state seal =
Inmates leave test: Print the hog?

A 45-year-old Tulsa, Oklahoma, woman decided that a local Walmart would be a convenient place to handle all of her chores. That included buying various cleaning and medical supplies, and using them. When workers at the store noticed her dumping various items into a large bottle she was carrying through the aisles, they summoned the police.
One officer suffered slight burns from the mixture while he was removing both it and the woman from the Walmart. She has a police record for methamphetamine production, but none of her previous arrests involved trying to make it in public. Officer David Shelby said that the woman admitted that she was 'in the process of trying to manufacture methamphetamine; however, she said that she was not very good at it'.

Her name is Elizabeth Halfmoon. Her name anagrams to
'Oh, meth-lab-zone fail!'

New York's Todd J. Remis isn't satisfied with the photographs that were taken at his wedding, so he is suing the studio, which missed the last dance and the throwing of the bouquet, for the $4,100 cost of the photographs and for an additional $40,000 to redo the wedding so that proper photos can be taken.
Remis, whose wedding took place in 2003, isn't sure where the bride is now, however. She may have moved back to Latvia after the couple divorced.

Todd Remis = Mister Odd

Freemon Everett Seay punished his 16-year-old daughter for trying to run away from home. The 38-year-old Washington man started by using a willow switch on her. He then engaged her in battle with wooden swords for two hours, stopping at 4am, when she could no longer stand in the armour she had been made to wear for this. The girl later sent pictures of her injuries to friends, who contacted the authorities.
The Renaissance fair enthusiast was arrested, as was his wife, Julie May Seay, who works at the Loving and Learning Childcare Center.

Freemon Seay = Many foes 'ere.

According to authorities in Colorado Springs, Kevin Gaylor booked a date with a university student he'd 'met' on the Web site Craigslist and then things got complicated. His girlfriend returned home for the evening. Therefore, when the Craigslist woman arrived at his home, Gaylor rang the emergency services to report that there was a gun-wielding burglar trying to get in.
Instead, it was the 24-year-old Gaylor himself who was arrested, for making a false report to authorities.

Kevin Gaylor = Revoking lay
Aver "Lying OK"
Raving yokel!

A 30-year-old Florida woman, Oneal Ron Morris, faces charges of practising medicine without a licence after 'enhancing' several women's buttocks with a variety of materials not designed for the purpose. Morris, who may have used the same procedures on herself as part of her gender readjustment, typically used a mixture of canned flat-tyre inflater Fix-A-Flat, cement, and mineral oil. In at least one case, Morris, who posed as a medical doctor, sealed the incision with superglue.
She was arrested and jailed after one victim was hospitalised with what the state department of health termed life-threatening injuries. According to Jennifer Hirst, the agency's deputy press secretary, the woman 'sustained extensive disfigurement to her buttocks and scarring [and] had to undergo several blood transfusions and multiple surgeries [...] followed with home nursing care for several weeks'.

Oneal Morris ~ is real moron.

Alexander Pratt, 59, and Clara Pearson, 53, saw a car that had been left running outside a Florida corner shop, so they decided to borrow it for a brief sexual encounter. Things might have gone better for them if the car they stole hadn't been in use by plainclothes detectives at the time. The amorous couple were arrested not far away, where Pratt reported that he wasn't sorry for his actions, as he'd simply wanted to 'have intimate relations with Pearson', according to a police report.

Alexander Pratt and Clara Pearson ~ are ardent. Plan: a patrol car and sex.

A man in a Spider-man mask demanded money from clerks at a corner shop in North Carolina. His sword did not deter the cashier from poking him in the belly with a broom. At the end of the ensuing struggle, Spider-man had no mask and no superpowers. He had also lost part of his ponytail. Spider-man's alter-ego Dale Foughty, 56, was found in a nearby home and arrested.

Dale Foughty = Fat old guy, eh?

Nevada's Justin Lew Harris summoned his mother to be a witness for his wedding. When she showed up at the church, she began objecting loudly to the ceremony. Therefore, the 35-year-old man carried her out of the church and back to her car. The younger Harris faces charges of disorderly conduct, possibly battery, and coercion, and Justice Tom Perkins has asked him to show respect for family members. His mother got her wish, as the wedding ended up being called off anyway, because there were no witnesses.
His case has yet to go to trial, but I can offer a prediction:

Justin Lew Harris ~ hurts. Jailers win.

Child-minder Teresa Coffey collapsed while looking after a one-month-old baby in a Greenlawn, New York, home. When the baby's father returned home, he found Coffey, 39, on the couch but couldn't find the baby. He soon found his son underneath Coffey. Neither had survived. Detective Lieutenant Gerard Pelkofsky said: 'Because of the amount of flesh, it could have caused the baby to suffocate' - Coffey was termed 'extremely heavy'.

Eye fat's force:
Teresa Coffey

Stuart Keen, a 57-year-old carpenter in Wantage, was cutting wood for a cabinet when he cut himself with the saw. Paramedics found him bleeding in his bathtub. Physicians were able to re-attach his penis. His mother, Edna, said: 'This was an unfortunate accident, but these things happen all the time to people in his profession.' She nonetheless described him as 'quite embarrassed'.
If he plans to continue in carpentry, I can see his next job:<

Stuart Keen = Task: neuter!

British Columbia's Rick Gillingham visited his university hospital for a painkiller, whereupon the doctor began asking questions about his cancer. Gillingham's insistence that he doesn't have cancer was met with remarks such as 'It's all right; nobody can hear our conversation', until girlfriend Charlaine MacGillivray barged into the room. She could hear the conversation and was upset that Gillingham had kept his illness a secret.
Things became clearer when the physician asked 'if you're not the one taking the phenobarbital, who is?': MacGillivray remembered that it was the dog. A veterinarian had prescribed the medicine to ease the symptoms of canine epilepsy, and the province's PharmaNet system had no way of indicating that Gillingham and his dog were different creatures. Adding to the confusion, the vet shares the same name as a prominent cancer specialist.

Canadian Rick Gillingham (and the dog Cooper) =
Chap doing good at 'man hiding a killer cancer'?

Hunter Lacey complains that his Montana restaurant has seen a dramatic decrease in business because of its listing in the telephone directory. He says that the problems began in 2009, with 'a series of phone calls [...] where it was either people in earnest asking us to come and remove carcasses or prank calls'. The listing of Bar 3 Bar-B-Q under 'Animal Carcass Removal' later spread to other telephone directories, and in January of this year, Jay Leno called attention to it on television. Lacey is now suing the phone book's publishing company, Dex Media.
He contends that the listing was a Dex Media employee's deliberate retaliation for Lacey's refusal to buy an advertisement from him. In a response filed with the court, Dex Media lawyer Gregory Black stated that someone from the restaurant was negligent in berating a Dex Media employee and should have seen the potential for negative consequences.
But Lacey is lucky in one thing - he is quite anagrammable:

Hunter Lacey = Lunacy there
Hunter Lacey = "Eat yer lunch!"

A Massachusetts man tried to return the van his wife had purchased, because it was a 'lemon'. The dealer refused. The van did function well enough for David Cross to visit the dealership, in New Hampshire, and plough it into six vehicles. He said: 'I didn't hit a car under $20,000. Then I moved a van that they wouldn't come down on the price for.' When the van would no longer move, Cross flagged down a police officer and reported what he'd done.

David Cross ~ is odd vs. car.

Walter Powell, 52, used to be director of IT for Baltimore Substance Abuse Systems. When he was sacked, in late 2009, his password remained active, which allowed him to forward some workers' e-mail messages to other employees, send a company-wide e-mail from CEO Greg Warren's account, and adjust a presentation Warren was giving before a board composed of city officials and foundation heads. The Baltimore Sun describes it thus: 'Suddenly his computer shut down, then restarted, replacing the latest slide with an image of a naked woman onto a 64-inch screen.'
His sentence for the porn stunt is three years of probation and 100 hours of community service. The guns and materials for homemade silencers that police found in a search of his home have netted him federal charges.

Tell law, "power = Walter Powell."
Or, for a less BOFHly alternative:
Walter C. Powell = wow--all-erect.pl

When a woman at a recent yoga festival in Boulder, Colorado, noticed 'movement in the tank' of a portaloo, she asked a nearby man to have a look. He reported that someone covered in tarpaulin was inside. At this point, excreta-covered Luke Ivan Chrisco, 30, fled the scene, evading a festival security officer.
He was arrested while panhandling about a week later, and an officer noticed his similarity to the toilet suspect. Chrisco later said, from jail: 'It seems terrible, but it didn't actually smell that bad or anything. [...] I still would have done it even if it smelled a little weird, because where there is muck, there is gold.' He admitted to spying on up to 200 women. The police have contacted business-owners so that they can seal the various peepholes that he'd created.

Luke Chrisco = Oh, sick! Cruel!
Luke I. Chrisco = Choice's "I lurk."

According to AFP reports, 53-year-old paroled sex offender Isabel Chavelo Gutierrez rode his bicycle to a rural Texas home, broke in, produced a knife, and began raping the 77-year-old resident. The elderly woman later stated that Gutierrez complained during the rape that he felt ill and stopped having sex with her so that he could rest.
Shortly thereafter, he rolled over and died. Believing he had passed out drunk, she left in haste. Investigators believe he suffered a heart attack related to his bike ride on a hot summer day.

Isabel Chavelo Gutierrez = Geezer's behaviour: act ill...
Mister Isabel Chavelo Gutierrez = Let's Archive Bizarre Eulogies(TM)

About six months ago, Bank of America sent foreclosure papers to a Florida couple who didn't owe anything on their home. In fact, they had paid cash for the house. Maurenn Nyergers and her husband proved this in court, and the judge ordered Bank of America to pay their legal fees.
Five months later, after telephone calls and letters, the North-Carolina-based bank still hadn't done so. Therefore, the couple's attorney, Todd Allen, had sheriff's deputies foreclose on the bank. They removed desks, photocopiers, cash in the tellers' desks, etc. About an hour after being locked out of the building, the bank manager presented Allen with a cheque for the legal fees. Allen said: 'As a foreclosure defense attorney this is sweet justice.'

The Bank of America =
Botchin' a fee -> karma.

According to AFP reports, an amateur beekeeper in Australia decided that the night after an alcohol-enhanced comedy festival would be a good time to move a beehive. Andrew Short explained that he'd thought the bees would be asleep since it was after midnight, and his wife's absence added to what he'd figured would be good timing.
He had successfully removed the beehive from his back garden and, hive in hand, begun climbing his ladder to the bees' new home when the bees objected. While being stung more than 60 times, he finished the job, depositing the hive on the roof of his house.

Andrew Short = Drones' wrath.

California's Michelle Elaine Astumian was dreading her court date: she was to be sentenced for forging drug prescriptions. Astumian, 41, therefore presented a doctor's note asking for a postponement. The prosecutor rang the relevant physician, who confirmed that the note indeed was a forgery.
At this point, the judge ordered Astumian to be taken into custody, so she collapsed to the floor and was taken to a local hospital by ambulance. She is to be sentenced later.

"Enemies, I am _all_ unethical" = Michelle Elaine Astumian
Michelle E. Astumian = Unethical, semi-lame.

The owner of Verona Pizza, in Pennsylvania, saw Nickolas Galiatsatos enter the loo with a bag but then emerge carrying nothing. He alerted two police officers in the pizza parlour, who found footprints on a toilet seat under the ceiling tiles. And a bag of mice. The officers started looking for Galiatsatos and found him near another pizza parlour, where he had been seen putting something in a rubbish bin. A bag was found there too, with five mice inside.
Upper Darby Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood explained that Galiatsatos, who owns a pizza shop of his own, had planted mice from a local pet shop in his competitors' restaurants to get them closed down.

Mr Nickolas Galiatsatos = Stocking salami. Rats also.

Arizona's The Daily Miner reports that a man was told to leave his weapon behind before attending a county supervisors' meeting, which members of the public are free to attend. He tried to enter the building with his pitchfork anyway but was stopped.
Judge pro tempore Paul Julien has now ruled that Mervin Fried was not guilty of third-degree trespassing. Julien pointed out that people with holstered shotguns are allowed inside the building and that, therefore, denying access to someone with a 'holstered' pitchfork was arbitrary.
It takes real guts to carry a pitchfork to a meeting, even if just a small team meeting at the office.

Mervin Fried = I'd firm nerve.

Florida community college student Harrun Majeed dropped his credit card in a car park. When he returned home and asked the bank to cancel the card, he was informed that it had just been used at a pizzeria in the Polk County shopping plaza where he had dropped it.
The bank alerted the police, who, arriving at the pizzeria, found visiting 51-year-old Michigan dentist Richard Lewis Ludwig waiting for two pizzas with extra olives, a $40.64 purchase paid for with Majeed's credit card. The police asked Ludwig whether he was having money problems. Ludwig, who had $250 in cash in his wallet, replied with an 'Absolutely not!' and put his net worth at upwards of $3 million.

The dentist Richard Ludwig =
Hunger hit. "I'd test wild card."

Forty-eight subscribers to Ontario's /Woodstock Sentinel-Review/ received a censored version. The New-Zealand-earthquake-related front-page headline 'The hellish reality' had been cut from each copy.
The censor was a newspaper carrier who objected to the word 'hellish'. The publisher, Andrea DeMeer, said: 'This is certainly a first. Obviously we are deeply apologetic to subscribers who received mutilated newspapers today.'

Woodstock Sentinel-Review =
OK, let's now view it censored: "                   ".

Cody Wilkins noticed that his mobile phone needed to charge, so he plugged it in. The problem, for him, is that he then left without it, jumping out of a window when one of the people whose home he'd been burgling returned to the building.
The police found the phone, which easily led to the 25-year-old Wilkins. He has been charged in connection with several burglaries.

Cody Wilkins = Nick wily sod.
Not that wily, it seems.

Prosecutors have charged Tihomir Petrov with two counts of urination in a public place. The public place was the office door of a fellow mathematics professor at California State University at Northridge. Investigators say that the urination was motivated by a dispute between the two teachers.
Petrov wouldn't have been caught if he'd committed the offence only once. However, officials at the university had set up a surveillance camera after the first incident.

Professor Tihomir Petrov ~ is pervert or imp, forsooth.

Connecticut's Robert Michelson wanted to be careful, so he rang the emergency services to ask how much trouble he could find himself in if growing just one marijuana plant. The dispatcher told him that he could be arrested for growing the drug. Michelson thanked the dispatcher for the information and hung up.
A short while later, officers paid a visit to the 21-year-old Michelson's home, where they found a small amount of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

Robert Michelson = Lost on herb crime.

A police report in Whitefish Bay, Wisconsin, states that officers were called to a law office in response to 'a report of a naked postal carrier in the building's hallway'. Later, postman David A. Goodman, 52, explained that a woman on his rounds had seemed 'stressed out' and that, to cheer her up, he offered to arrive naked next time. He took her response as a dare to do so. She wasn't happy with the result, and he returned 20 minutes later, fully clothed, to apologise. After his arrest for lewd and lascivious behaviour, Goodman admitted that delivering mail while naked probably wasn't a good idea.

David A. Goodman = Avoid mad gonad!

An Oklahoma woman told the police that her 18-year-old daughter had advertised child-minding services on the Craigslist Web site. When a 'David' asked her to watch his 19-year-old autistic son at her home, the older woman took on the job herself. She did feel uncomfortable with the young man becoming sexually aroused when she cleaned him during nappy changes, and with him grabbing her daughter's chest but tried not to let these things bother her.
Eventually, however, it became clear that this man was 'David', or 21-year-old Mark Anthony Richardson, Jr, and that he had pretended to be autistic for what he later admitted was a 'sexual purpose'. At least one other child-minder had fallen for his tricks.
Richardson has been charged with felonious sexual battery (for the breast-grabbing) and seven counts of misdemeanour outrage to public decency (for seven nappy changes).

Mark Anthony Richardson = Horny sham tard can irk, no?

Two men robbed a delivery driver for Fu Wong Restaurant at gunpoint in Springfield, Massachusetts, stealing the food, $200, a mobile phone, and a ring. Apparently still hungry, one of the men, 23-year-old Edward Blatch, visited the restaurant later in the day. The reason we know his identity is that the driver was there and recognised him. The driver and cooks held Blatch until the police arrived.

Edward Blatch = Wretch. Bad lad.

Rhonda Coshatt was checking up on dozing niece Lyndsey Fiddler when she heard Fiddler's washing machine make clunking noises at the end of its cycle. Coshatt discovered Fiddler's 10-day-old baby, Maggie Trammel, entangled with the laundry within.
In a call to emergency services, Coshatt is heard to say to Fiddler: 'No, I did not kill your baby. You did.'
According to court documents, the mother had been using methamphetamine, amphetamines, benzodiazepine, and opiates. An arrest for drug use while she was pregnant led Fiddler's family to try to get her children taken into care. Now, her remaining two boys have been.

The druggie Lyndsey Dawn Fiddler =
Did she fret? Deny laundry wiggled?

Sarah Glidden is a 15-year-old high-school student who was involved in a collision. At a cross-country track meet, she was about 100 metres from the end of a race when a deer entered her path at high speed on its way out of nearby woods. She was turned around by the impact but suffered only a bruised leg.

Sarah Glidden = Are hinds glad?

Mitchell Marsicano, 55, gave his dog Snowball to tenants in the upstairs flat in the building he owned in Long Island, but he then wanted to see the animal later. The tenants contacted the police after walking in on Marsicano apparently sexually abusing the 10-kilo dog in their flat.
Snowball has been taken to an animal shelter, and Marsicano has been charged with sexual misconduct, attempted sexual misconduct, and burglary. He faces up to 16 years in prison.

Mitchell Marsicano = Immoral canis letch.

Eric Swensson, the chief of police in Sebeka, Minnesota, contacted law enforcement officials to report that ammunition, stun grenades, a police radio, a pair of night-vision goggles, and other police equipment had been stolen from his home. Three days later, he rang the sheriff's office again, this time to report that he had found the items: one or more of his children had taken the items to their backyard fort.

News on crises -
Eric Swensson, ~
winces re: sons.

Daniel Collins wanted to make sure his construction crew's project wasn't affecting the Raymore, Missouri, sewer system, so he climbed into a manhole to check. The 30-year-old man was carried away on a current of raw sewage and swept through the pipe. Just before the sewer line passed under the lake of the local golf course, he caught hold of grates under the 15th green. Emergency crews found the bruised Collins curled into the foetal position and lifted him to safety. Collins, who told paramedics that he hoped his wife wouldn't be angry at him, was listed as in critical condition.

Daniel Collins = Ill an' closed in.

In Gallatin, Tennessee, 20-year-old Dustin Matthew Marshall walked out of a Wal-Mart store in a pair of stolen jeans. The reason we know it was Marshall, and the reason he and his 19-year-old female accomplice have been booked into the county jail, is that he had left his old jeans behind. In one of the pockets was his wallet.
A search of the duo's home revealed evidence of other crimes, and the charge sheet has been scaled up accordingly.

Dustin Matthew Marshall = Thus Wal-Mart denim halts.

Florida's 19-year-old Joseph Williams liked to steal iPhones from AT&T stores by detaching the cables that tied the units to the display. Perhaps this was not the subtlest of approaches, given that he had tattooed the words 'I'm Me' on his face and his physiognomy also bore a money bag and teardrop. Several witnesses' descriptions and camera footage helped to link him to several iPhone thefts.

I will diss major phone fail: Joseph Williams in Florida.

Dallas Amber Smith, 18, was drinking with friends in Washington when they challenged her to perform a back flip. She agreed but received teasing as soon as the smell of her feet hit the air. Prosecutors summarise the ensuing events by saying that she stabbed a 19-year-old man for telling her that her feet smelled. He was found with a steak knife protruding from his back. The other end of the knife caused his lung to collapse. Smith faces charges of second-degree assault with a deadly weapon.

Amber Dallas Smith = I smell drama/baths.

Italian tax police have expressed an interest in the head of the Vatican Bank, Ettore Gotti Tedeschi. He is now under investigation for certain financial irregularities.

Ettore Gotti Tedeschi of Rome ~ decrees "I forgot to tithe to me!"

Bernadette Music wanted help meeting men. The 43-year-old Norwood, Ohio, woman decided to request help with this, by ringing the emergency number. She was drunk at the time but not too drunk to forget this clever idea, which she acted upon a few more times. After her arrest in connection with the calls (and with urinating in the hallway of her apartment building), she explained her actions: 'I'm very brave and bold.' She spent three days in jail for the offences.

Bernadette Music ~ cites date number. Meet disturbance: Bernadette Music.

In Florida, police officer Jason Moore asked dispatchers to send out a call about a suspicious person peering into cars at a local shopping mall. The idea was that Moore's girlfriend, also a cop, would show up at the scene and he could then confess his love to her. The dispatchers agreed with the plan, but Moore got more than he had bargained for: several officers showed up at the shopping centre 'crime scene'. The two dispatchers and Moore all were fired.

Jason Moore = Major noose.

German network administrator Oliver Beel was fired from his job, after 19 years with the company, for charging his Segway at work for 1.5 hours in May 2009. A court has now ruled that sacking Beel was not proportionate to the theft of 1.8 euro cents' worth of electricity. The court pointed out that, for example, other employees were not fired for charging mobile phones or digital photo frames at work.

I love rebel ~ Oliver Beel.

Police officers have visited Walter and Rose Martin's home in Brooklyn, New York, at least 50 times since 2002, searching for drug dealers, rape suspects, and others. The most recent search left the World War II veteran with worryingly high blood pressure, and the police promised to resolve the issue. They explained that the address had been used as a test case for a new computer system and that the Martins' 2007 report of their troubles had led to its removal from some but not all of the systems. Rose Martin, who wants a letter of apology, remains unconvinced that the problems are over.
The previous owner of the home said that he had left the area in 1997 because police and fire crews kept showing up. 'I always thought I was being targeted personally - and, to be honest with you, it freaks me out that it's happening again,' he said.

Warrants tire mean old ~ Walter and Rose Martin.

Oklahoma City's Rondell Bailey walked into the police station and offered a stick to various of the officers there. He explained that this was payment for crashing his truck in a nearby car park, and that it was the last tree on Earth. Officers' refusal of this payment annoyed Bailey, who left the building and then threw a brick through the jail window. When he was arrested, officers found what they believe to be methamphetamine in his truck.

Rondell Bailey = Beyond 'real ill'

Those fortunate enough to visit, for example, Manchester in winter 2009-10 and stay at the Holiday Inn had the opportunity to try out a new service: at no charge, a member of hotel staff would don a fleece sleeper suit and warm up the bed to 20 degrees Celsius.
Before anyone gets excited at the thought of busty lasses pre-heating their bed, I should warn you of the cold, hard anagrammatical truth:

The Holiday Inn bed-warmer service =
NB: They are weird old Irish cavemen.

The last time the US printed $500 bank notes was 1945. A cleaning lady at a hotel in Malaysia didn't know this when 50-year-old Lebanese guest Elie Youssef Najem presented her with one as a tip, but, thanks to a local money-changer, she soon did.
Izany Abdul Ghany, the head of Kuala Lumpur's commercial crime unit, reported that police found bundles of $500, $100,000, and $1 million notes in 'Lord Elie''s hotel room. He could face up to 10 years in jail.
For a long time, he has been passing himself off as a multi-millionaire, and he has been in trouble for fraud in the past. There is no word yet on the billion ringgit he has pledged to the Malaysian Cancer Council.

'Lord' Elie Youssef Najem ~ uses old 'free money'. Jail!

Jail trashy, rotten ~ Trista Joy Lathern.

The explanation:
After almost eight months of married life, Trista Joy Lathern was desperate to save her relationship. When a benign lump was discovered in one of her breasts, she decided to tell her husband that it was cancerous, so that he wouldn't leave her. She decided it would further help her marriage to have her breasts enlarged. The obvious way to finance this was shave her head and get people to donate $10,000 for her life-saving surgery at a benefit event. She got caught.

An alternative anagram:

Trista Lathern = Traits enthral.

It shouldn't be hard to guess what crime Samuel Botchvaroff is charged with.

Samuel Botchvaroff = Car movable, thus off!

Aaron Siebers really didn't want to go to work, it seems. Police in Edgewater, Colorado, explain that Siebers called in sick at the video store where he works, reporting that he had been attacked by three men dressed in black - either Hispanics or skinheads. Five police agencies rolled in and found that Siebers had been knifed in the leg and suffered various superficial cuts. Under questioning, Siebers admitted that he had made up the story and stabbed himself.

We might wonder what was going through his head or what his work environment was like. But we need wonder no longer.

Aaron Siebers     Reason: rabies!

On the day before his wedding, Florida's John Tabutt, 62, heard someone in his home and fired his gun at the figure in the hallway. Naturally, he had thought his live-in wife-to-be, 62-year-old Nancy Dinsmore, was in bed. Well, she wasn't. She was pronounced dead while a sobbing Tabutt looked on.

John Tabutt = That nut-job.

A rather disturbing news item: Michigan's Aimee Louise Sword gave up her five-year-old son for adoption about a decade ago. The 35-year-old Sword recently got back in touch with him over the Internet. She is accused of seducing him and successfully cultivating a sexual relationship with him. Others, defending Sword, claim that he was the one doing the seducing and that she was taken advantage of.

Mrs. Aimee L. Sword = Weird lass. Er, ...Mom?!

Mrs. Aimee Louise Sword = Issue: A weird, loser mom.
= Semi-desirous "Lower, Ma!"

Police in Lincoln, Nebraska, report that 19-year-old Sando Dshaw Hamilton recently was found wandering around Wilderness Park in the nude. He explained to the police that a man with a gun had tried to rob him and, since Hamilton had no money, taken his clothes. He later admitted, however, that the police had caught him while he was looking for his clothing, which he'd removed earlier in the day because of the heat. He was arrested for indecent exposure and making a false statement to the police.

Sando Hamilton = A doltish man, no?

Oregon's Raibin Osman was unhappy with the service at McDonald's. The 20-year-old man rang the emergency services to complain that the McDonald's employee had been impolite and not given him the orange juice he'd ordered. Sheriff's sergeant David Thompson said that Osman rebuffed officers who told him the emergency number should not be used for fixing fast-food orders. Meanwhile, a McDonald's employee rang 911 to complain that Osman and those with him were blocking the drive-through lane and knocking repeatedly on the McDonald's windows.

Raibin Osman = I am no-brains.

Francis Woodruff = Crowd of ruffians.

It does appear that that's his element:

Illinois's Stephen Crane is unhappy with the marital counselling he and his wife, Maureen, received from parish priest Christopher Floss. After several sessions of one-on-one therapy, Maureen left Stephen and Floss left the Roman Catholic priesthood.
Crane is suing Floss and the diocese, with the charges including professional negligence, alienation of affection, and negligence in supervision and retention of the priest. Crane is seeking money to help raise his children and to pay for therapy from a medical professional.

Christopher Floss = Hot flesh! R.I.P., cross.

In the course of her duties cleaning homes in Lincoln, Nebraska, Mary E. McDaniel hatched a plot to steal the safe of a client who owned several businesses. The 52-year-old McDaniel recruited an accomplice to distract the woman while two others grabbed the safe from her house. The five then split the haul. McDaniel netted about $80, rather less than the $15,000 she had envisioned. All five involved in the theft have been arrested.

Mary E. McDaniel = My maid/cleaner.

A tavern in Minnesota is letting people smoke inside, despite a state law banning smoking in bars. Since the law makes an exception for theatrical performances, the owners of Barnacle's Resort decided to make every Saturday night a theatre evening. Customers pay $1 for an 'ACT NOW!' button and proceedings in the bar are transformed into theatre and the cigarettes into props.

Ten "real actors'" breath ~ at the Barnacle Resort.

When a plank hit Brooklyn, New York, construction worker Brian Persaud on the head, he was taken to the New York-Presbyterian Hospital Weill Cornell emergency room. He was given eight stitches. When a resident told him that he needed a rectal examination as well, he objected. A struggle ensued, in which the 38-year-old Persaud hit a doctor and shouted: 'Where I came from, you don't put anything in someone's ass!' Persaud was sedated, given the rectal exam, and later arrested. He was released without charges and is now suing the hospital for malpractice.

Brian Persaud = I'd ban "Rears up!".
= Urban despair

Ernesto Ponce, 19, stole a pickup truck from a dealership in Roseburg, Oregon, but abandoned the vehicle when a tyre blew. He then swiped a car from a nearby driveway. The engine overheated about 15 minutes later, and the car caught fire at a junction. Jeff Herbert, who pulled over to help with a fire extinguisher, found his pickup truck next on the list. According to Herbert, 'he jumped in when I had my back to him.' Ponce again didn't get far: an encounter with a police spike strip left him with two punctured tyres and an appointment with a ditch. He was arrested.

Ernesto Ponce = One cop enters.

He's being charged with various things but we don't know yet whether he'll get a 'poor sentence'.

South Carolina farmer Sampson Parker reached into his rusty corn harvester to remove a stalk when the mechanical rollers that shuck the corn pulled his glove and then his hand inside. Parker was able to reach an iron bar to jam into the chain-and-sprocket driving the rollers. After about an hour of crying for help, he felt his hand go numb and began cutting off his fingers with his pocketknife to free himself. When the sprocket grinding against the bar threw off sparks that set the machine and grass on fire, he said, '[m]y skin was [...] dripping off my arm like plastic melting. I realised I was in trouble.' As he cut the flesh from his arm, he said, the fire kept him from passing out from the shock. He then dropped to the ground, using his weight to break the bone. Then a tyre exploded, and the force threw him clear of the flames.
Parker drove his truck into the nearest road to wave down a car for help. Motorists drove on the hard shoulder to get round him, until passing firefighter Doug Spinks saw him, wrapped the arm, and summoned help. Parker spent three weeks at a burn centre, and about 25 neighbours finished harvesting his corn for him. He said he is at peace with the incident, as 'it really wasn't the corn picker's fault; it was my fault.'

Sampson Parker = Arm snapper's OK.

In 2005, in family court proceedings in Niagara Falls, New York, Judge Robert Restaino heard a mobile telephone ring in the public seating area. When no-one seated there came forward to identify the owner of the telephone, Restaino ordered 46 people to be taken into police custody. Most were released on bond, while 14 were thrown into the county jail. The New York State Commission on Judicial Conduct has now described this as causing 'irreparable damage to public confidence in the fair and proper administration of justice in his court' and has removed Restaino from the bench.

Robert Restaino = Obstinate error.

Matt Wilkenson of Portland, Oregon, had been drinking with friends and wanted to impress them with how tame his pet snakes were. He probably did impress them when he put his pet eastern diamondback rattlesnake in his mouth, head first. He also ended up with the snake attached to the back of his throat. As the venom took effect, his tongue began to swell and he found breathing difficult. After a little antivenom, a breathing tube, and a three-day induced coma, Wilkenson admitted that 'it's actually kind of my own stupid fault', adding that 'they said I had enough venom in me to kill between 12 and 15 people'.

Oregon's Matt Wilkenson =
Let snake sting moron - Ow!
= Snake worn on me glottis.

Sandra Hickey of Pittsfield, Maine, couldn't find her house key and was convinced that someone had taken it. The 58-year-old woman rang emergency number 911 more than a dozen times in the space of five days to report the problem, according to Sergeant Timothy Roussin of the town's police force. Hickey sometimes admitted that there wasn't an emergency or claimed that she had information on a murder, but the topic always returned to the key. Hickey, who allegedly was intoxicated at the time of the calls, is being charged with abuse of the emergency number. She had been warned several times about this possibility.
The missing house key had been returned without Hickey's knowledge, according to Roussin.

I wonder whether Roussin had any off-the-record comments, such as:

Sandra Hickey = 'Cranky', he said.

A 21-year-old man in the Philippines reportedly saved a neighbour who had tried to hang himself. After taking the suicidal man to hospital, Reynandro Platon returned home, where his wife allegedly took him to task for drinking and thus complicating his diabetes symptoms. Joseph Dino of the Quezon City police district said that Platon waited for his housemates to fall asleep, then went to the second storey of the home with a yellow nylon cord and hanged himself.

Reynandro Platon suicides = Nylon rope. Is dead. Curtains.

Illinois's Arthur Friedman sued his wife's lover, German Blinov, under an 'alienation of affection' law. The wife, Natalie, explained in court that the problem is not that she was having sex with Blinov - after all, her husband had asked her to have sex with other men and women as a way of livening up the relationship - but that she started to have feelings for him. Arthur said: 'This guy ruined my life - he back-stabbed me.' A jury, which reportedly referred to the case as 'stupid' and the law as 'ridiculous', ordered Blinov to pay $4,802.

Arthur Friedman ~ in further drama!

When two-year-old Adonis Ribott's birthday party ended, at about 2am, his mother Luz Marie Ramos bade him farewell and his father Danny Ribot started to drive him home - but then parked the car at an auto body shop, leaving the boy inside. Ribot walked the rest of the way, then couldn't find his house keys so rang the doorbell to summon his mother. She says she asked: 'Where did you leave the car?' and 'Where's the baby?'. She continued: 'He smiled and just went upstairs. I figured maybe the baby's with his mama.' When Ribot woke at 11am and noticed that his son was not asleep beside him, he rang Ramos, and his own mother rang the police. Ramos's parents saw the car at the car repair shop and rescued Adonis. Ramos indicated that Ribot, who claimed not to remember what had happened the previous night, might have had a drink or two at the party.

Danny Ribot = Into brandy?

Escambia, Florida, police arrested Cheveon Alonzo Ford after his 292nd illegitimate call to emergency services since 1 July. The 21-year-old Ford explained to the officers that he had made the calls because 911 is the only number that he was able to reach, since he had run out of minutes on his telephone plan.

Cheveon A. Ford = Need for havoc?

Sylvette Wimberly of Houston, Texas, said that she has figured out why she began receiving lewd and embarrassing telephone calls and e-mail messages. Former high-school classmate Lara Madden had decided to borrow her name for use in her videos in the adult film industry. Wimberly is suing Madden and the producer of her videos, alleging invasion of privacy and emotional distress - for example, former classmates contacted her upon hearing that she was a porn star - and she has filed an injunction aimed at getting Madden to stop calling herself Sylvette Wimberly.

Sylvette Wimberly ~ met very best willy!

A Florida jury convicted Terry Lee Alexander on charges of indecent exposure because he was masturbating in his jail cell while a female deputy was monitoring the cell from a camera control room. Sheriff's office spokesman Elliot Cohen said that, while masturbation in Broward County jails normally is punished by a restriction of privileges, the agency now is encouraging deputies to press criminal charges, in hopes of eradicating the behaviour. Coryus Veal is heeding this advice; Alexander is the eighth person she has charged with in-cell masturbation in the last six months, in each affidavit describing the activity as conducted in a 'vulgar and indecent manner' and thus fulfilling one of the criteria set forth in the state's indecent exposure statute.

Beneath that prudish exterior:

Coryus Veal = Saucy lover.

An armed and masked bandit stole $75 and two cartons of cigarettes from a petrol station in Florida. After the police arrived, someone noticed that the robber had left a case leaning against a display rack. Within was a receipt for an AK-47 purchase, bearing the name of Eric Cunningham. Officers arrested the 18-year-old man at his home a few kilometres from the petrol station.

Eric Cunningham = Nice rich gunman?

A woman rang the Elk Grove, California, police to report that her eight-year-old grandson had taken the keys to the family car and gone for a drive. Officer Chris Trim said that the boy ignored officers' flashing lights and sirens. Police followed him at 40-55 km/h for five to 10 minutes, in which time he caused a collision, injuring another driver.
The boy stopped the car at his house, where his mother, Heather Bollinger, greeted officers by hitting them in the chest. Neighbour Sue Wu said: 'The mom just ran out of the house and started fighting with police' and that she was spitting and scratching. Bollinger was arrested, and the boy is in his grandmother's care.

Heather Bollinger = The hollering bear.

Dearborn, Michigan, city council member Doug Thomas said: 'If you're a cop and you're arresting people and you're confiscating the marijuana and keeping it yourself, that's bad.' The officer in question, Edward Sanchez, had his wife bake the drug into brownies. He remained under the radar until he rang 911 to report: 'I think we're dying. We made brownies and I think we're dead. I really do.'
After the emergency call, he initially claimed that his wife had obtained the dope from his car herself but later confessed. The police department decided to allow him to resign from his job and thus avoid prosecution.

Edward Sanchez, Dearborn Police = Cops ended clear brownie hazard.

While on a costume-party-themed pub crawl with other medical professionals in Florida, Brevard County physician Raymond Adamcik, 54, chose to be Captain America. He also allegedly chose to place a burrito in his blue tights and ask women whether they wanted to touch it. One woman rang the police to report that he groped her when she refused. When officers arrived, an identity parade of the Captain Americas on the pub crawl was held. The woman pointed out Adamcik, whose burrito was found in his boot.
Officers reported that, while in a police holding cell, Captain America removed a marijuana cigarette from his tights and tried to flush it down the toilet. He now faces charges of battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession, and attempting to destroy evidence.

Raymond Adamcik = I am odd, am cranky, ...

Washington's Julie Anderson, 48, apparently was displeased with a haircut she received at her regular salon, Stage 1 in Richland. According to Police Captain Mike Cobb, she returned to the salon and, when her regular stylist arrived, pulled a gun on her and demanded $100. Salon employees gave her the money. Anderson began to drive away but decided to fire at least one shot into the rear window of the stylist's car first. She threw the gun through the broken window and headed to another hair salon in the area for a trim to fix a bad haircut from some time ago. Cobb said she apparently paid with some of the money from Stage 1. She was arrested when she left the salon and could face charges of first-degree robbery and second-degree malicious mischief.

Julie Anderson's "bad hair day" = Salon injured by sad airhead.

Baltimore police detective Gregory Jenkins ended his incident report with: 'Again, this really happened'...
First, Sunday Smith reported on 20 April 2005 that a gunman ordered her and a friend out of their car, then drove off with it. Two weeks later, the police received another call: Smith had found the car parked near where it had been stolen. It was promptly towed to a police station. Two hours later, the police received a third call concerning the vehicle. Gregory Alston, 20, wished to report it stolen. When officers brought Alston to the station, he told Deputy Maj. Jim Rood that he'd bought the car in March. Rood didn't buy this story, as Alston 'didn't know who he bought it from ... he didn't know anything - so finally he just owned up' and admitted to stealing Sunday's car. As to why Alston chose to report the disappearance of the vehicle, Jenkins explained in his report that Alston had left his wallet inside and 'was trying to retrieve it without drawing suspicion to himself'.

Gregory Alston = Loser got angry...

Police in Manchester, New Hampshire, say that Lillian Carter, 84, went to Elliot Hospital to collect her son Ron, 49, at his dismissal from the facility. Driving to the hospital's entrance, she hit the accelerator pedal rather than the brake. The car sped forward and struck her son as he was walking to meet her. The car then connected with a concrete pillar. Ron Carter was admitted to the hospital with serious injuries, and his mother too is now a patient there.

Lillian Carter = "Car? I'll learn it."

Locked out of his stepmother's home, Michael Urbano figured he would simply enter via the Hayward, California, home's chimney. The 23-year-old Urbano took off his clothes, which he figured could hinder his descent, and began to rappel down the chimney with the aid of a cable television wire attached to the roof. When the cable snapped, he fell until becoming wedged about three quarters of the way down the chimney. About four hours later, his calls for help prompted a neighbour to ring the police. Officers arrived at shortly after 6:30am, found Urbano's clothes at the bottom of the chimney, and spent the next hour pushing the naked man back up to the roof. Police lieutenant Gary Branson said that Urbano, who suffered minor injuries in the incident, was then arrested for being high on drugs.

Michael Urbano = Lamebrain. (Ouch.)

When prisoners were allowed back into Missouri's Dallas County Detention Center after having set the facility on fire in an escape attempt, they were in for a surprise. Sheriff Mike Rackley had ordered the walls to be painted pink - a colour that several studies have reported as having a soothing effect in institutional settings. Also, the paint job features blue teddy bears.
Rackley summed up: "[W]e made it like a day care, and that's kind of like what it is, a day care for adults who can't control their behavior in public."

Dallas County Detention Center =
No tenant's diary noted: "Cute cell!"

Lisa Marie Nowak was a married mother of three and a NASA astronaut, but she wanted something more: to cement her relationship with fellow astronaut Bill Oefelein. To this end, she drove from Texas to Florida - wearing nappies on the journey in order to save some time - to meet romantic rival Colleen Shipman in the Orlando airport car park.
According to a police report, Shipman noticed a woman following her at the airport, so she locked herself in her car. When Nowak failed to gain access to the car, she began to cry and said she couldn't hear Shipman. Shipman then rolled down her car window 'about two inches', and Nowak sprayed her with pepper spray. After Shipman drove off and reported the incident, an officer saw Nowak place some items in a rubbish bin, among them a wig and BB pistol. Also, she was carrying a steel mallet, folding knife, rubber tubing, and large plastic bags.
Nowak, 43, explained to the police that she had planned to abduct Shipman in order to have a conversation with her about Oefelein.

Lisa Marie Nowak = Mania, so warlike.
Colleen Shipman = Hellion encamps.
Mr. Bill Oefelein, NASA = I'll be fine alone... Mars?

Rosie Costello of Tacoma, Washington, has admitted in court that she has collected more than $200,000 in welfare benefits over the last 20 years as a result of coaching her two children to fake mental retardation. Costello, now 46, began coaching her daughter to feign retardation when the girl was four years old, and her son from age eight. The situation came to light after Costello's now-26-year-old son, Pete, contested a traffic ticket in court without difficulty. His sibling has not been located, and his mother has pleaded guilty of conspiracy to defraud the government.

Rosie Costello = Lie scores loot.

Staff at Winnipeg's Headingly jail discovered that prisoners at this 'tobacco-free' facility were using boiled Nicorette gum and tea leaves as a substitute, which they rolled in pages from Gideon Bibles in order to make cigarettes. Prison superintendent Cathy Sandney described the illicit activity as 'very discreet'. Speaking for Gideons International, who place the Bibles in jails, Ron Muir said: 'They've destroyed about 50 Bibles. They're going to need more Bibles and I'll bring them more.'

Nicorette gum and Bibles and some tea make ~
inmates sob and deem cigarette unsmokable.

Harry Titlow decided to kill his uncle so he could use the insurance money for a sex-change operation. Titlow's aunt, who helped pour alcohol down her husband's throat and suffocate him, gave Titlow $70,000 and a car. She has been acquitted. Titlow, now "Vonlee Titlowz", faces trial in January.

Harry Titlow =
Trial-worthy!

Wisconsin's Armando Cortez was angry at his estranged wife, so he decided to repeatedly ram his van into the side of her Ford Escort. Witnesses say the 34-year-old Fond Du Lac man hit the car 20-30 times, stopping only when the Escort had been pushed 47 feet and was up against a tree. Cortez told officers he had bought the car for his wife so he knew it was hers; however, the car he rammed belonged to her neighbour. Police said alcohol likely played a part in Cortez's actions. He has been charged with two counts of criminal damage to property.

Mister Armando Cortez =
Er, crazed motorist man.

What will his future hold?

Armando Cortez ~ to ram on, crazed?

Police believe North Seattle, Washington, man Louis G. Carnaghi was annoyed that his wife hadn't left his medicines in the pill box and that he had had to answer one too many early-morning 'phone calls for her. The 87-year-old Carnaghi rolled his wheelchair behind his 86-year-old wife, Arline, and hit her repeatedly with a steel pipe. Prosecutors allege that he then bit chunks out of her arms as he fell from his chair. A neighbour rang 911 after finding the blood-covered couple on the floor.

Align chair near ~ Arline Carnaghi...

Hospital cleaner Sophie Matlala found it difficult to eat the goulash the canteen served for lunch one day in May 1999. South Africa's Pretoria High Court heard recently how, after she couldn't bite through the meat in the stew, her colleagues at Medforum Hospital inspected the offending morsel and concluded that it was a piece of cooked penis. After vomiting several times over the course of the afternoon, she became a vegetarian.

Hospital authorities confirmed the 60-year-old Matlala's suspicions about the meat, although it could not be established whether the penis had belonged to a human or an animal. Judge Phineas Mojapelo rejected Matlala's R2.7m lawsuit due to a three-year statute of limitations, but he added that he hoped her legal advisors would advise her to sue them. The summons had been issued on the last day of the three years but not served until three days later.

Sophie Matlala =
A hospital meal.

Does anyone from South Africa want to give the judge a call and find out if this is the claimant's real name or if some journalist was just having a bit of fun? There is a fair bit of information on the case available online.

Peter Hallinean of Rochester, New York, was arrested for supplying heroin to his wife at her workplace, the school where she taught. Principal Timothy Cliby said that assistant principal Kathleen Wiecorek called his attention to a suspicious foil-wrapped package inside a Happy Meal that Hallinean, 31, had apparently dropped off at the school office for his wife, Correy. Cliby said he found alcohol swabs, a syringe partially filled with a brown fluid, and a well-used oversized rubber band inside. Cliby, who said he had already suspected Correy of drug use, called the police. Peter said his wife has been suspended from her teaching duties.

The cops can question her in anagrams:

Correy Hallinean = 'Recall any heroin?'

Andrew J. Castor, 14, allegedly fed a neighbour's cat to an alligator. According to Cape Coral, Florida, police, Castor stole the cat from a chair in the neighbours' yard, put it in his bookbag, and took it to a canal, where he kicked the animal and threw it into the water. The cat's owners said Castor took them to see the cat while it was still in the alligator's mouth. "It had him by the tail. I started crying. I couldn't breathe," said Cari Taich, 16, who got the cat, Homeboy, when she was five years old.

The police said Castor had just wanted to see what the alligator would do. It is unclear whether he will be tried as an adult.

Andrew Castor = A cat's drowner. [well, nearly]

Trenton Michael Veches, 32, was found guilty of lewd conduct, mostly on account of sucking the toes of over a dozen young boys he supervised at a youth recreation centre where he worked. He admitted to having such encounters with 20 children (19 toe-suckings and three buttock-touchings) but will appeal the verdict, which could carry a sentence of over 300 years in prison. Veches maintains that his behaviour was not sexual, and his lawyer said the child pornography found on the accused's computer prejudiced the jury.

Trenton Michael Veches = Toes enchant him. Clever.

Suffolk County, New York, officers report that Troy C. Stephani, 32, refused to pull over for police, leading them on a ten-minute chase through red lights. Stephani, after turning a corner, quickly realised that it led to the parking lot of police headquarters.

(They train cops.)

He explained to the arresting officers that he hadn't wanted to stop until he'd finished smoking the crack cocaine that he had in his pickup. This admission makes him rather

chastity-prone

as he'll probably be spending some time in jail on what he might call

'One shitty rap!'

...unless he's ordered into rehab instead, where he would receive

therapy's tonic.

Maybe he was so brazen about his offences because he figured he could escape any charges through the power of his

hypnotic stare.

And then there's 'Victor's Little Secret', the Kentucky porn shop that changed its name from 'Victor's Secret' in an unsuccessful attempt to avoid being sued by Victoria's Secret. The Supreme Court found no evidence that the lingerie company's trademark had been hurt. The owner of the family-run shop is Victor Moseley.

Victor Moseley = Very cool items!

The Detroit Free Press reports on Officer Anthony Johnson, who claims that Joni Gullas, who smelled of alcohol, refused to produce ID and resisted arrest, starting to back her car up. Gullas claimed that she thought Johnson, in street clothes, had been trying to carjack her. Police reports indicate that Johnson handcuffed her right hand but she withdrew her left. Johnson used a knife to cut off the left sleeve of her large coat in order to handcuff her. He ended up cutting off her left ring finger, which could not be reattached, and cutting her middle finger.

Joni Gullas = Jail us long!

New Jersey's Michael Thiel had just finished his first year as a Drug Abuse Resistance Education officer, teaching approximately 70 students. After his fellow officer Amalio S. Gorcsik was arrested for allegedly trying to buy cocaine from an undercover officer while in a patrol car, the investigation widened. Thiel and a third officer were also arrested. While head D.A.R.E. officer Sgt. Edward Selb said Thiel would be decertified for possessing and using drugs, Harrison Township School Superintendent Dr. Patricia Hoey said no special statement has been prepared to help students deal with the issue of their D.A.R.E. officer being arrested on drug charges.

In the ensuing investigation, will we encounter a

Lie from 'ethical' chief ~ Officer Michael Thiel?

As to what made him continue in a life of crime, we can only guess:

Relief of chemical hit.

Yugoslav Army paratrooper Dragan Curcic survived a 1000-metre fall after his main and spare parachute malfunctioned. Initially failing to open, they became tangled in each other, opening simultaneously. The 40-year-old Curcic came to a rest after falling through the roof of an army building. He performed another parachute drop two days later./p>

Paratrooper Dragan Curcic = Crap occurring at drop area.

Chatanooga, Tennessee, police reports indicate that Rudy Raines and William King stopped at the Fast Food and Fuel convenience store to dry out two sackfuls of marijuana in the microwave oven there. Although a patrol car was parked outside, Raines went inside and began to dry out the pot, whose smell soon filled the store. Officer Tetzel Tillery said that, when Raines removed the sack and "Officer Ashley went up to him and asked what he was doing ... he admitted that he was trying to dry out the marijuana". Ashley saw more marijuana in the car (for about a pound in total); King, on being awakened, said he didn't know anything about it. Raines told Ashley he and King had been headed to a drug rehab clinic.

Rudy Raines = Ruin's ready!

A Port Huron, Michigan, woman faces charges of throwing her seven-month-old baby out a window. LaFayre Marie Banks is accused of throwing the child from a bathroom window in her second-floor apartment, causing the infant severe internal and head injuries. The 32-year-old Banks denied the allegations, explaining that she was bathing the child when it reared up and went through the window. The child has been placed with a foster family.

A family breaks near ~ LaFayre Marie Banks.
and the rather more silly
LaFayre Banks = NAMBLA's freaky!

Reuters reports on Emma Dunn and Raoul Sebastian, both 19, a British couple whose dream trip to Sydney wasn't quite what they were expecting. They booked their air tickets on the Internet, boarded the plane with no problems, and started to suspect that something was wrong only when they were asked to transfer to a small plane in Halifax, Nova Scotia. Once they landed in Sydney, Nova Scotia, Air Canada employee Andrea Batten was given the task of helping the couple, who she said were 'obviously very surprised' to learn that they were not in Sydney, Australia.

Dunn probably blames the Web site for making it unclear where they would go:

Emma Dunn = "Dumb menu!"

In denial, Rauol Sebastian might have told the Air Canada employees

"So, be Australian!"

Mississauga, Ontario, soccer coach Frank Pesce, 39, rushed onto the field during a break in a pre-teens' soccer game and attacked a 12-year-old girl who had been playing well for the opposing team. Under Ontario Soccer Association rules, a coach is immediately suspended from all soccer-related activity if he assaults an official. But association executive director Brian Avey said there is nothing in the policy about coaches who attack players. Pending further action, Pesce is still coaching.

I don't know what kind of venue the games are held in, but it is because of people like Frank Pesce that

park fences

were created.

A 70-year-old man's car was stolen in Camden, New Jersey, and recovered by police the same day. That didn't help its owner. Mayor Gwendolyn Faison began using the car as her official vehicle. In the wake of bad publicity surrounding her refusal to return the car to its rightful owner, Faisan returned the Lincoln Town Car after a few weeks. In a subsequent audit ordered by County Prosecutor Vincent P. Sarubbi, it was revealed that the police department was using two other stolen cars. Sarubbi has cleared the mayor of any wrongdoing.

Gwendolyn Faisan~'s defying a law, non?

Amanda Monti, a 24-year-old woman from Birkenhead, Merseyside, had apparently remained on good terms with Geoffrey Jones, 37, after he broke off their relationship. Liverpool crown court heard recently that after Monti drove Jones home from a party, she offered him sex and said she wished to discuss the relationship. He refused and, in the struggle that followed, threw her out of the house. After she smashed a window, there was another fight, in which Monti ripped off one of her ex-boyfriend's testicles. She initially tried to hide it in her mouth, but it was recovered. However, it could not be reattached.

Amanda Monti = Anti-nad ammo!

Rescue teams found Richard Kral drunkenly staggering along a path in the Slovakian Tatra mountains, minus his car. He explained that an avalanche had buried his car in snow and that he had to dig his way out through the window. Realising that the snow would fill the vehicle before he could free himself, he decided to drink one of the 60 half-litre bottles of beer he had with him. Then he hit on the idea of urinating on the snow to melt it after he had scooped it down from above the vehicle. He said: 'It was hard and now my kidneys and liver hurt, but I'm glad the beer I took on holiday turned out to be useful and I managed to get out of there.'

Note: male piss flow ~ melts a pile of snow.

Germaine M. Taylor of Racine, Wisconsin, was put on probation after he got Kristina pregnant when she was 14 years old. He then got Beckie Knecht pregnant when she was 17. After he was given another chance, he had his third child, by a 15-year-old. The unemployed Taylor, 20, has now been sentenced to 17 years in prison by Judge Allan Torhorst, who told him "I want you out of this community".

Germaine Taylor =
Normality. Agree?
= Enrage morality.
= Ration meagerly. [If he'd been paying child support]
= Ram eagerly into...
= Goal: I marry teen. [An antigram, I believe]

Germaine M. Taylor
= Memory: a neat girl.
= Mere girl anatomy.
= Immoral entry age.
= 'My organ + Mere tail.'
= Migratory man-eel.

Wichita Falls, Texas, native Lee Wayne Lawrence was afraid that his daugher had a job as a stripper at Maximus Gentleman's Club. Police say Lawrence, 41, entered the club in camouflage fatigues, started slashing furniture with an eight-inch hunting knife, and asked for a drink. Serving him, manager Vic Robinson saw a homemade bomb around Lawrence's neck. Seconds later, police entered. A few days later, after security camera footage was reviewed, Lawrence said "I would do that for my daughter if I could get her out of there".

While his daughter, Kera, had applied and auditioned for a job at the club, Robinson said he had turned her down because her identification looked fake. Lawrence, who'd been released from prison in February after serving time for assaulting a police officer, has returned to jail.

Maximus Gentleman's Club = Ban male lust, sex, & cumming!

Ian Cheeseman ~ has nice enema!

Male and female prisoners have managed to have sexual encounters and conduct strip shows at North Carolina's Person County jail from 6 to 10 September. Sheriff Dennis Oakley said "It's ... because of a staffing shortage" - his requests for more staff members haven't been met - and "Things happen".

Charges have been brought against 12 inmates for offences such as prostitution and breaking and entering. A.K. Pruitt, the jail's administrator, said an investigation revealed that prisoners had removed the screws that held a Plexiglass barrier in place, allowing them access to the canteen area and, from there, the females' area. Lookouts were used to spot guards arriving for random checks. The encounters became public when two women became upset that the men didn't provide the marijuana that the men promised them.

Person County Jail != Platonic journeys. [an antigram, it seems]
= Joy/coitus planner.
= Panty lice sojourn?

Police in Kenya report that Alfonse Mumbo accused his wife, Penina, of having an extramarital affair. Officers said that, deciding to teach her a lesson while she was out and wanting "to give her a free hand to go after other men", he used a kitchen knife to remove his penis and testicles. Penina, who insists that she was not having an affair, came home a few minutes later and found the 38-year-old former barber unconscious in a pool of blood.

The Kajulu Wath Orego man later told the /East African Standard/ that "I found myself disgusted with the penis and decided to cut it off. ... The knife was too sharp and before I realised what I had done, it was too late."

Umm, for male nobs, ~ Mr. Alfonse Mumbo!

The Arizona Republic tells of Delano Yanes, who was the subject of reports to the police and Child Protective Services in April 2003. An investigation showed that his five-month-old child, Elijah Alexander, had a broken arm, which the family blamed on the boy's four-year-old sister. Six months later, Delano called paramedics to report that he'd found his son in his playpen not breathing and had tried to perform CPR. An autopsy revealed that the child's heart had ruptured when he was sodomised. The 25-year-old Delano was taken into custody.

Delano Yanes = Yes, anal done.
or
Delano Yanes ~ eyed son. "Anal?..."

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